Returning my focus

My week has pretty much been filled with the most (self-inflicted) stress. Really, I was asking for it. Being in such an intense program and then totally slacking off. But then on another level, I only slacked on one assignment. And that has affected the subsequent 4 assignments. #IHAVESIXFORTHISSUBJECT
Anyways, long story short. I have pretty much been having a week that's straight up shit. I feel no motivation whatsoever to do anything at all. And my deadlines are creeping up at a faster pace than ever. Oh well, silver linings? I just have 2 more weeks. Bad news? I have just 2 week left!! And I still need to study for finals. So, 2 weeks to finish 6 assignments(5 in the first week) and then study for 4 subjects? God, you've got my back right! I can do this. #IpraythatIcan

The main reason for this post though is to remind me that even through this all, I've got pretty amazing friends :) From giving me brownies to hugs and virtual ones. Ju just made my day. xxxxoooo. And I shall be waiting patiently for the mail to come the coming week or so. :D So super excited mannn. Much cryptic eh. Just the way I roll. HAHA. So, be thankful is all I can say. Be thankful, self. You've got it good and you will not realize it without times like these.

Salut,
-clare

Sufjan Stevens

Words don't even come close to describing the emotions that Sufjan is able to toy with, just with his music. It's the kind of music where when you have that silence after listening to it, that silence is almost echoing back at you, begging for more. It's amazing especially for studying IMHO. That or just thinking. The sort of thinking without thoughts. Just openness of mind in some sense.

Just look at his eyes. It's like he knows stuff. 

Anyways, to start off everyone should check out Seven Swans. Because Seven Swans, I have fallen in love with. The whole album is really great. His voice, the music. Another plus for Christians would be that you'll appreciate this album even more, from the titles to the lyrics. You'll get it the moment you check it out. WHICH SHOULD BE RIGHT ABOUT YESTERDAY BRO. Haha. Also, once you've got that covered there are like 8(!!!! #amazinginnit) more studio albums for you to enjoy!! 

Now tell me you wouldn't wanna listen to this guy ^^

Here, a pretty much all Christian song for you:

Salut,

-clare

Migrane with Boundaries

"Am I the only one I know,

Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?

Shadows will scream that I'm alone." - Migrane

There is a side of me that has taken to these words. That question pierces hard, because all of us are fighting something within or dealing with issues that you may or may not want(or know how) to tell the people around you. This leaves me feeling like I am the only one who is experiencing these feelings. But in actual fact, that is not true. Everyone around the world feels the same things that I feel. I need to remind myself, continuously.

I guess in many ways I am blessed that I seem to be able to put my sense before my emotions. Though sometimes the brain gets sick of all the control. The shadows. The shadows are dangerous. They're all my insecurities which stem from other people. A small comment on something might have a ripple effect on things within. This is also why I've been trying really hard to watch what I say, of late. That said, I'm pretty much a tough pill to swallow at times because I tend to be very direct. I'm not balls-y or anything, but I just don't like to sugar-coat things. It's either I'll say it as it is or just shut up about it. I can't stand beating around the bush. Which leads me to the original reason I wanted to even write a post. BOUNDARIES.

This is really just my unfiltered thoughts honest opinion on the topic. In no way is it the gospel truth and I'm sorry if you have conflicting thoughts. Go ahead and write them on your own blog. This is MY SPACE(ahhah).

So, boundaries. I feel like these days there's no clear-cut way of dealing with this issue because everyone has different understandings of what boundaries encompass. I'm speaking from the perspective of boundaries within friendships, because I always seem to see this problem within friendships. Like what is private, should remain private right? Friends involving themselves in other peoples issues, to what extent? How far does the friendship autonomy go?

At this time and age, it all boils down to your own powers of analysing. How would the other person feel if you did something? How would the other person deal with this if the tables were turned? Always remember, you're doing something to(for) the other person. If it's not to benefit the other person, don't do it. If it's not done in a tactful fashion that shows you respect the other person, also don't do it. I'm sure you're trying to help out your friend, but really analyse what you're doing. Sometimes we fail to see that we are not parents to our friends. We need to allow them to correct their paths. Our jobs are to maintain a hand outstretched for them to walk with us, with no judgments and no lectures. Not to tell them to sit in a corner while we settle their mess out. How is that even healthy? Friends help friends grow.

Salut,
-clare

The child

You know, we can learn a lot from children. Like the normal stuff of not judging, not holding grudges and even forgetting that you're angry. It all seems trivial matters to those small people with big hearts. But of late, I seem to realize something. In general, many people treat children like they are amazing people with endless potential, which is awesome and rightfully so. With all the cooing and trying to get them to laugh etc etc. I wonder though how is it that the(as) babies/children, get so much attention but move down a decade or two and people just walk on by.

When did being an adult mean to reduce our endless potential? Reduce us to the finite, instead of being infinite?

Shouldn't there be some sort of continuation to this fascination of another person, an interest in who they are and who they want to be. I don't only mean your friends. I mean the random person you meet on the street. To just sit, watch and high five another person. To run around with each other, either mentally or physically, just because.(I don't mean mind games. More of mentally challenging stuff along the lines of Sherlock VS Moriarty, but not too intense) To appreciate everyone for the child that they were and the adult they have come to be (to mask that child).

To be adult does not mean we do not get fascinated by things, or people and things lose it's appeal. To be adult should be us growing with more fascination for this world. Just imagine for a moment, how it would be like if people actually treated others like amazing people full of potential. There would be more patience in the wait, more help given and everyone would just be way more easy-going and helpful.

Maybe it's the late night, or the lack of sleep talking. But hey, it's just my thoughts.

Salut,
-Clare

Hands Off(Or On?)

Disclaimer: This post was written under immense emotions, so I apologize in advance for the language or lack of tact that I am about to display. This is only temporary.
So after a series of (unfortunate? slightly) events, I find myself in this very interesting spot where I find a friend/several friends seem to require hand holding. Not literally, but emotionally. The sort where if you don't hang out or don't check in, they assume something seems to be the matter. Ughh. ASSUME NOTHING MOFO. NOTHING. NOTHING IN LIFE CAN BE ASSUMED.(Unless you're in risk management, in which case; thanks for doing your job and be on your merry way.) You know how much this frustrates me? Immensely. Hey sure, I like to keep in touch and all but sometimes I just can't, I do have my own life to live, even if that life is assignments 24/7 I STILL NEED TO LIVE IT.

There are only so many hours I can spend 'lepaking'. Do not interpret my casual hi and byes as an invitation to question my friendship with you. I am loyal as fuck, and you don't need to pay shit for this loyalty. You better not question it, or I will see this question as my invitation to shut the door on you. I am not even kidding.
I am so thankful for all my friends. I have so many precious ones whom I care very much for, but the best ones are those who don't fade with time. Whom I can call out of the blue and still hang out like we see each other all the time. You guys know who you are. You know where you stand.

I'm so done with this drama,
Ugh.
-Andrina